segundo mes

I want to share something that happened last week that has been one of the hardest things I have had to push through.

 Just as I was entering the beloved "honeymoon stage" of culture shock, I was thrown back into anxiety, homesickness and sadness. 

Last week, my friend Veronica and I took an opportunity to house sit at this beautiful house for the week. We were left with the responsibility of feeding the animals and were given a 4x4 buggy to drive up and down the mountain. It was a windy STEEP dirt road but we felt as though it was safe since the owner of the house did it every day.  After school on Wednesday I was driving the buggy up the hill to go to the house since Veronica was working at her other job. As I started going up the hill,  the gas gave out, all of the lights went on and I tried to press down on the break but was not strong enough. The malfunctioning parking brake did not work.  In a split second I made the decision to jump out of the side of the buggy in order to try and stop the car from rolling back ( I guess I thought I would become super woman) . As I rolled onto the dirt road and popped up, I watched as the buggy hit the embankment, flip over and roll down the side of the mountain only to be stopped by a tree before a 100 foot drop to a waterfall.  

In the buggy was my laptop, charger, phone, ID, debit and credit card. I stood up after hitting the road and looked down to see my legs, and hands were cut up pretty badly. I flagged down a car driving down the mountain and they must have seen how white my face was as I was in total shock. Two Ticos got out of the car and said they would wait to show my friend where the car was while the driver ran me down the mountain to my friend Martie's house. When I got to her house, she  took off with a dad from my school (Thanks Jason and Martie!!) to look at the accident. The two Ticos were waiting for them to come and the man had already gone down the mountain and retrieved my school bag and purse with everything inside. 

 I had to go to school the next morning and was totally wrecked. It was probably one of the toughest things I have gone through so far. I had an anxiety and panic attack in the bath as I was tending to my wounds asking God why the heck am I here. To me this was the cherry on top of all of the things I have been struggling with since I have moved here. This has been the hardest hurdle to jump over and has made me realize what I am really made up. Without the comfort of my family and having to work every day since the wreck was really tough. But since then I have come to realize that the while I may be down, I am not out. I claim and believe that breakthrough is coming. I do believe God sent me here for a reason and while I might not feel it now I am confident I will know in due time. For now, I am learning what it means to be a missionary. What it means to trust in God for everything and to know that he will protect me. I believe that He saved me that day for a bigger purpose. 

I am confident that I will look back at this accident as a monumental day in my life where I realized that God has great things in store for me. He grows us through the trials, so hopefully I will be wonder women strong by the end of this year! Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. 

" When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

 - Psalm 94:19 

The buggy is stopped up on the tree. 

Sorry for the gross photo! It hurts just as bad as it looks! But healing every day :) 

Primer Mes

Primer mes :

It has been one crazy month. I would be lying if I said the transition was easy and full of joy, It. Was. Not. I was so thrown off by the fact that the first month was filled with anxiety, tears, and wondering if I made the right choice in giving up my life to move to Costa Rica and teach. It wasn’t until I finally got it in my head, that I am not here for myself. I am here because the Lord called me and I am choosing to move forward in faith. Moving into a house that smelled of fish, left with a mini college fridge and ant invasions was what filled my first week here. I have never lived on my own so doing so in a foreign country  was a lot to take in at once. Dealing with the language barrier, culture shock and not having the comforts of home was definitely difficult. Transitioning to a laid back lifestyle and embracing the environment I’m in has been a learning process. But I don’t want to focus on the hard things that happened this past month; instead I want to speak about how God has shown up in my times of weakness. The first week I would wake up every day and sob, crying out to God asking why I was feeling despair instead of joy. I was so confused by these emotions as I was expecting “The Honeymoon” stage of culture shock when I moved here. I was not expecting to be so heartbroken over the loss of home. During the moments of doubt, when I cried out to God, he was always faithful and showed up in the most meaningful ways. I have been learning the true meaning of drawing close to God and trusting him with every little thing. Before I moved here, I was really sad about leaving some of my best friends. I prayed that God would send me one good friend that is my age and that I could be myself with. After the first week, I became close with a local tica who also had moved from the city of San Jose to Uvita. It was an instant friendship. She is an answer to my prayer. As we listen to the Reggaton music and share laughs about our day over una cerveza I know she is a literal answer to prayer. I see God move in the birds I hear chirping outside my window every day and in the breathtaking sunset over the beach. When I went surfing for the first time (which was a check off of my bucket list) I looked out over the water and saw the vibrant green trees, birds flying overhead as my legs dangled in the warm salty water and thought, thank you Jesus, you know how to romance my heart. I have learned to really press into the moments of stillness and rest in knowing that HE is enough for me. It is a daily battle but I am confident that the Lord has me here for a reason and I am excited to see his heart for me here.

Now, on top of all the emotional roller coaster stuff, which has been like 85% of my brain this past month, there have been some incredible,”Omg  I’m in Costa Rica and loving it moments”. I have been enjoying every moment spent with Jill and Don, a couple from my church, as we have been gallivanting around Uvita and Costa Rica together. Just last weekend we visited Drake bay and took in some incredible jungle sights, pristine clear water and fell asleep to the sounds of the ocean waves. I have enjoyed sitting at the beach and swimming in this incredible warm water. The animals here are incredible and the I always smile when I see a red macaw fly by. The church I am apart of here is filled with passionate peoplße that are hungry for the Lord. I was able to visit the all girls oprhanege and share my testimony with them, I have been minstering ot the students in my classroom with EXTREME patience, and am now helping with worship at my church Iglesia De La Costa. But in every season, God has been faithful and teaching me to rest in His love.

Diving in Head First- FEELINGS!!

People have been asking me, " How are you feeling? Are you ready?" as I prepare to move to Costa Rica this Friday. I do not have an answer to those questions. I can explain how I am feeling with a mental image:

Imagine a giant ocean.. it is glimmering, inviting, and gorgeous. It reflects the puffy white clouds and the bright warm sun. The birds fly overhead and the edge of the ocean stretches as far as the eye can see. I feel as though I am being dropped from a helicopter into the middle of that ocean. Is it beautiful? Yes. Is it inviting? Yes. But, as any sea lover knows, the ocean is also filled with MANY unknowns such as changing tides, sharks, schools of fish, depth, and wonder. That is how I feel.

 I feel like I am diving head first into the middle of the ocean. 

I am excited, nervous, anxious, excited, joyful, sad, homesick, craving adventure, blessed....any and ALL emotions. I am truly wondering how the heck I am going to fit my whole life including starting a new teaching job into two suitcases, a backpack and a carry on. I have no idea what awaits for me in Central America. I know that I will have a job, roof over my head, a church that I will be working with, students to love on, and that the LORD is with me. That alone is enough for me to be confident diving into this ocean. I have the Jesus walking hand in hand with me through every tide and stormy gale. I remember when I studied abroad in Spain during college and there was a period of two weeks when I had high anxiety and was really missing home. I also felt very strong spiritual warfare around and within myself. During those two challenging weeks, I felt a literal hand in mine every morning as I walked to school. I am fully confident that the Holy Spirit was holding onto my hand as I walked the streets of Sevilla. I walk into this next adventure confident that the same Spirit is with me as I venture into unknown territory. 

I went to my home church in Costa Mesa yesterday and a lady came up to me and shared a verse with me, it was Psalm 34:4 " I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." I am proclaiming that verse upon 2019 and believing that HE is enough for me. Now I just need to dive in. 

Costa Mesa to Costa Rica!

Missionary. 

That word has always sounded beautiful, daunting and inspiring to me. While I have always had a heart for Missions, I did not think I would be a long term missionary, let alone uproot my comfortable life to go where the Lord called me. Yet, this is what God has called me to do for 2019.

I had my comfortable amazing life in Costa Mesa where I graduated from college, started my first teaching job, lived with my best friends and attended my loving Church. Then I went to Costa Rica on a short term missions trip in February and the Lord spoke very clearly to me that He has other plans. During that week trip, I experienced the Lord’s presence in the country, through His children and His church. I felt called to return but was not sure what that would look like after I left to return home. Then doors were swung open and the principal of a small private Christian School contacted me from Uvita Costa Rica asking if I would be interested in teaching. This school is a Bi-lingual school that provides a stellar education to the local children and international students that are living in Costa Rica. But the mission of the school is to be the hands and feet of Jesus in showing God’s redeeming love. Oh, did I mention Uvita is located on the southern pacific side of Costa Rica and is a beautiful beach town surrounded by rich mountains of jungle that meets the sea? OKAY GOD. Well, one thing led to another and I took a flight down to check out the school, and see if God was opening this door for me. Upon arriving, I was very nervous and a bit anxious. I kept thinking about the lack of resources, the fact that I will be moving by myself away from friends and family for a year, living on my own and living in a new culture. But the Lord kept asking, “DO YOU TRUST ME?” and I have chosen to answer with a resounding YES.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” The Lord knew the desire of my heart is to help children in need. The desire to be immersed in the beauty of the mountains and the ocean. The desire to understand Spanish and live in a different culture with the purpose of showing God’s love to everyone. Therefore I am saying YES to leaving comfort to be a light in Costa Rica and be a missionary to serve those in Uvita.

In January 2019 I will be moving to Uvita and teaching first grade. I will be living in a small Casita down the road from school and working with the local church. The church is an amazing Bi-lingual church with plans to strengthen the Lord’s kingdom in Costa Rica. I will be developing and leading the Orphanage Ministry and helping with worship as well. While these plans were not a part of my five year life plan, I am confident it will be so much better then anything I could have planned for myself.

I have attached my Go Fund me if you feel inclined to help out in this journey from getting school supplies to helping out with a plane ticket. In my Go Fund me is the link to a video that I did for my church upon my return from the February Mission trip.

Link here-  GoFund Me

Costa Mesa to….

Costa Rica!