Costa Mesa to Costa Rica!

Missionary. 

That word has always sounded beautiful, daunting and inspiring to me. While I have always had a heart for Missions, I did not think I would be a long term missionary, let alone uproot my comfortable life to go where the Lord called me. Yet, this is what God has called me to do for 2019.

I had my comfortable amazing life in Costa Mesa where I graduated from college, started my first teaching job, lived with my best friends and attended my loving Church. Then I went to Costa Rica on a short term missions trip in February and the Lord spoke very clearly to me that He has other plans. During that week trip, I experienced the Lord’s presence in the country, through His children and His church. I felt called to return but was not sure what that would look like after I left to return home. Then doors were swung open and the principal of a small private Christian School contacted me from Uvita Costa Rica asking if I would be interested in teaching. This school is a Bi-lingual school that provides a stellar education to the local children and international students that are living in Costa Rica. But the mission of the school is to be the hands and feet of Jesus in showing God’s redeeming love. Oh, did I mention Uvita is located on the southern pacific side of Costa Rica and is a beautiful beach town surrounded by rich mountains of jungle that meets the sea? OKAY GOD. Well, one thing led to another and I took a flight down to check out the school, and see if God was opening this door for me. Upon arriving, I was very nervous and a bit anxious. I kept thinking about the lack of resources, the fact that I will be moving by myself away from friends and family for a year, living on my own and living in a new culture. But the Lord kept asking, “DO YOU TRUST ME?” and I have chosen to answer with a resounding YES.

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” The Lord knew the desire of my heart is to help children in need. The desire to be immersed in the beauty of the mountains and the ocean. The desire to understand Spanish and live in a different culture with the purpose of showing God’s love to everyone. Therefore I am saying YES to leaving comfort to be a light in Costa Rica and be a missionary to serve those in Uvita.

In January 2019 I will be moving to Uvita and teaching first grade. I will be living in a small Casita down the road from school and working with the local church. The church is an amazing Bi-lingual church with plans to strengthen the Lord’s kingdom in Costa Rica. I will be developing and leading the Orphanage Ministry and helping with worship as well. While these plans were not a part of my five year life plan, I am confident it will be so much better then anything I could have planned for myself.

I have attached my Go Fund me if you feel inclined to help out in this journey from getting school supplies to helping out with a plane ticket. In my Go Fund me is the link to a video that I did for my church upon my return from the February Mission trip.

Link here-  GoFund Me

Costa Mesa to….

Costa Rica!

Breaking Free from Disordered Eating

If you do not know, this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness week. This could just be another week to some people, but I feel called and pulled to share my personal story that I have never told in explicit form. Yes, I have struggled with an eating disorder and no, it is not anorexia or bulimia. But it is still necessary to talk about because our culture normalizes, no, JUSTIFIES, the habits I have been practicing since I was 13 years old.

The definition of an eating disorder is defined by “any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits (such as anorexia nervosa).”

I never thought that I had an eating disorder when I was growing up because I was never the extremely skinny girl, I never threw up my food or counted calories excessively. I figured that I was just on a mission to get “healthy” and that, by our culture’s standard, is what is good and praised. You can’t walk down the street without some advertisement encouraging weight loss, a juice cleanse, or muscle gain. Translate all of these messages and you soon believe you are not enough unless you are fit or healthy. I believed that lie for years.

Throughout high school I was heavily involved with theater and dance, which meant I was always in shape. But behind the scenes, I would stand in front of the mirror examining every part of my body that was going to be seen by the audience and ask, “Am I skinny enough? Maybe I should try a new diet to ensure that I stay fit.” I would go to birthday parties and binge eat on sweets and chips only to immediately think about how I was going to burn it all off the next day. My relationship with food was toxic. It controlled me and seeped into my entire being. As I grew older the relationship I had with my body image and food grew worse. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college after I gained almost 20 pounds of the dreaded “freshman fifteen” that I finally admitted to myself I may have an eating disorder. But since I did not measure up to the standards of anorexia or bulimia, I thought I was fine. My first semester of sophomore year I became depressed, and would lock my self away in my dorm room while bawling simply because I had too many cookies in the café.

Since I was 13, I was always finding ways to tweak my diet in order to make it better. I would run more, I would dance, I would eat my greens, I would avoid the cake, I would eat half the cake in the middle of the night while my parents were asleep, I would wallow in self loathing, I would pray, I would repeat the cycle until I was fed up. I realized I had spiraled out of control when control was the only thing I wanted. I wanted to be desired, to be skinny, to be worthy by the world’s shallow standards. I wanted to be the girl that entered the room and immediately all eyes turned to look at her beauty. I wanted to be the girl that guys would seek no matter what. But with all these wants came unbearable expectations of myself that eventually drove me to depression my sophomore year. After that, I begin to seek professional help and began a journey over these past two years finding myself and a healthy relationship with food again. It has been a severely rocky journey, and I can vividly remember so many times where I would want to be sucked up by the ground because I thought I was ugly and fat. I thought that my body wasn’t worth anything or anyone’s attentions.

I can’t forget the times where I would call my mom and best friends in hysterics because I was not free from the ball and chain of the past. I wanted freedom. I wanted freedom more than anything. Freedom is realizing what is holding you back and letting go not only of the past, but also the image of the future to which you cling. I am writing this because disordered eating is something that needs to be talked about. I am writing this because I wish someone had talked to me about this when I gained the freshman 15 and felt like I had failed. There is no universal standard that I should live up to. My eyes have been opened to the reality that my weight does NOT define me, food does NOT define me, my pant size, does NOT define me. I am choosing to live in freedom now because I am worthy. I am 21 years old, graduating from college and today; I start by leaving my disordered eating, emotional instability and self-loathing in the past to only pursue my happiness in the beautiful body that God has given me.

What Papa Meant To Me

As many of you know my grandfather, David F Mack passed away this last weekend. Our family appreciates all the sweet words, texts and gestures during this time.

I never really understood the weight of losing someone. I have always thought of myself as a strong individual who can carry on during times of hardship. But this is another type of hardship. The saying goes, "you never know what you have until its gone". I DID know what I had though, and that is why this is so difficult. This weekend has been trying and draining but I have comfort knowing that Papa is in heaven singing away playing on a giant organ. The first things that ran through my mind when I heard the news that Papa had gone to be with the Lord is NO. NO because he never seemed old to me, NO because I wanted him to be here for my wedding, NO because I wanted my children to know what a great man he was. NO because Christmas and Thanksgiving will never be the same without him praying and toasting to our family. But in the midst of that I had to say yes. Yes because he was getting older but I was denying it. Yes because while I am being selfish and wish he was still here no matter his earthly condition, that is not fair. Yes because he is with Jesus. Yes because that is what Papa wanted more than anything, he wanted Jesus, all of him. He showed that daily to us all. He showed that through the way he interacted with us. He always made time for us and our activities. Papa always came to my shows, to Choir concerts, athletic games, if he could come, he would be there with a big smile and cheering me on. He loved making other people smile and was the life of the party. Looking back at pictures yesterday, there are many where he is being silly in his own way to make others smile. He received a gift one Christmas, a moving talking yellow Teletubby. He would pretend to play with it and make it move while his whole family burst into laughter. It became tradition that every Christmas, the Teletubby made its appearance.

He cared for many things in his life but the most important where God and family. I got a chance to sit down and sort through tons and tons of old photos yesterday while compiling pictures for his funeral slideshow. I always saw grandpa as my Papa, but he was so many other things too that I never really took into account. He was the most handsome young man from Pennsylvania who worked on a farm. I'm sure girls swooned all over him but he probably was too shy to even talk to them. Than he met my grandpa at the young age of 16 and they were pen pals for three years while she went to nursing school and he stayed home. They got married at 21 and started their lives together. He was stationed in the air force in Maine after they were married for one year. I read through some of the letters he sent my grandma and every one started with, "My darling Doris". The love he had for her carried on and translated into their children, which passed down to their grandchildren. Many of my friends comment on how lucky I am to have strong family bonds. This is something that has always been instilled into who I was raised to be. But this starts at the head of the family, it started with my grandparents and their commitment to one another. My grandparents had been married for 60 years and they are a testimony of love and commitment.

The last memory I have of papa occurred this weekend. We were all over at my grandparents house having lunch, mourning and being a family. I went into his office to see everything, trying to catch as many memories of him as I can and store them in my heart. I sat down at his desk and on it was a pad of paper. On the pad of paper was his do to list that he made before he left that weekend. The tasks that were written down were things such as, "water plant, take umbrella down.." They had all been marked off except for one, PRAYER. Well Papa, I know that you no longer need to pray because you get to talk with Jesus himself. I can't wait to see you again, I know we will have a large time. <3

Ain't no party like a Kenyan party!

Hello friends! 

This past weekend we had a great party in order to celebrate Rapha center and all the people who make it happen. It was a wonderful time to thank God for all that He has done and appreciate His provisions of food and family. The children at the home were very excited to eat meat which is a delicacy for them. But they don't get the meat from a supermarket, they kill it themselves. In total, we had two lambs, 7 chickens, and one goat. At first, being a vegetarian, I was very nervous for this slaughter to take place. But I realized that this is a very sacred and normal tradition within Kenyan culture. My anthropological side took over and I had to witness this feat. The boys all came together to help in killing the animals and it became a community event. Most things in Kenya are very community centered. They work together as a well oiled team. It amazed me when the boy as young as 5 knew what to do. The older men killed the animal by cutting the throat and the younger children were eager to get a front row seat! Once the animal died they all got to work skinning the sheep and goat and cleaning it. It was a really cool process to watch. The boys and men coming together, this cultural practice running deep in their blood as they worked to create a meal for the rest of the community. I felt honored to be apart of it. Some of the boys killed their first animals as young as age 5. Two boys are from the Maasai tribe where they must kill animals to prove they are warriors at age 16. And I thought these things happened books but they still happen here in Kenya! 

The party in Sunday was a success! The kids had a great time eating, dancing, and taking pictures. It was a real treat for them as they do not get soda or sweeties  very often so they thoroughly enjoyed the blessings. It was a beautiful moment to reflect on all of God's goodness. The children celebrated with full hearts and praised God for providing. While the children may be orphaned, or close to destitute, they put their faith in the one who is a good Father. I admire them so much for their faith. In America we can simply buy meat, candy, cake every day if we want. We don't take the time to realize how lucky we are or to acknowledge that someone labored so we did not have to. I want to appreciate life and God's blessings in full when I return. We should not short God the glory just because we have an easy life. He is the one who makes all things work together, bad or good. Overall I was so thankful to be apart of the cultural experience and celebrate with the children. 

On Monday, Sami and I sat in on classes so we can help the children study at night. We sat in on Biology, math, Christian learning, English, and Swahili by accident. Funny story, we thought we were sitting in on math class but then the Swahili teacher walked in. Kenya time is whatever time. You never know what you are going to get. For example, we took a motorbike than got in a matatu, or a large can that had 20 people in it and 12 seats. They were all very surprised when two muzungos got on. But we had to get off before the police checked and we took another motorbike to town. As the locals say, it's Kenya. 

Sorry goat!! Also on the left is my family's sponsor child Dennis!

It is a family affair.

The finished product! Such a crazy practice 

A Kenyan feast 

The best way of transportation 

Building, painting and playing

Let the digging begin! Our team of 5 plus two kenyen workers dug out the base for the school office yesterday. Which means today my back is killing me! Imagine using a hoe to level out enough room for a school office with third world tools in the hot sun. That is what we were doing. But needless to say we got it done! (Yes my family members, that blonde girl in yellow did manual  labor thank you very much). With the base done we need to lay the foundation and build the room. This is a very important project because without the office the school will not be licensed to run. We only have $1,000 dollars so far in our project fund and need $800 more!! Please if you can donate anything click in my link below so we can directly get the money to continue our project and continue to run the school at Rapha!

https://m.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.paypal.com%2Fcgi-bin%2Fwebscr%3Fcmd%3D_s-xclick%26hosted_button_id%3DX2NRNWEAGGRZN&h=jAQH2Fs7U&enc=AZPHFbZ4psOW5t-iBuDUO_OFhOXdvNKM7KeLnmfIjuCoTUZJ1MtS6Ua-mtOVjuV_HPAw5Ivac930IvHGU14HeTx31p1vlY2WeA2LzRhfSRxeTye-Hn3JQCqF_wNjn99bi96xnKTg12bIeHXi0x6XNyIQ&s=1

Today we spent all day painting the inside of the girls dormitory. I thought when we were going to paint, it would be easy because of the lovely tool, a paint roller. Well dear friends they do not have paint rollers in Kenya which means we painted with little paint brushes. Yet we did it and now the rooms are bright yellow and cheery. I will post final pictures once the girls are moved in and the curtains my mother and Penny spent hours sewing by hand. Tomorrow me and Sami will be moving in as well! I'm a little nervous to be living at the center because I will be without some of my normal "comforts" such as running water, toilets, and showers BUT I am very excited to be living with the kids. A lot of the kids don't want me to leave at night because they want me to sleep there. I know my relationships with the people and kids there are going to be much stronger which I am excited for. 

Today it was raining so we had to stay inside after painting. Sami and I went to go play with the little boys and ended up having a dance party. The boys have so many great dance moves and we had a blast dancing around! Afterwards we played Simon says which was a great English teaching tool as well for the 5-10 year old boys. Every time someone didn't listen to Simon, they all jumped up and down and hugged me since I was the Simon and screamed with joy. It was a great great time that made me remember why I am here. To have all their little arms hugging me with huge smiles and giggles flowing was a little slice of heaven. 

we love Rapha!

Working away! 

Cutting kale with the girls! 

The kids obviously love my hair 

The boys post Simon says 

The rains in Africa really are quite beautiful 

Karibu! Welcome to Kenya

Day three in Kenya! Yesterday we went to visit the kids for the first time and it was great! We had so much fun playing with them all. We picked up the older kids from school about 20 minutes from the school. We walked back with a massive mob of students eager to follow the "muzungus" or the white people. Some of my favorite memories are simply walking hand in hand with the children and just being. It was surreal to be back in the same place from two years ago. I will be updating with progress pictures of the home later. The second story of the girls dormitory is built , the classrooms have been remodeled and the kitchen is twice the size. Tomorrow we will be painting and starting on construction work. Today was church and it was a blast. The kids sing their hearts out and dance and worship the Lord with everything they have. The whole room was filled with worship and I could feel the Holy Spirit in that space. It's amazing how we can feel the presence of the Lord anywhere in the world. The rest of the afternoon was spent playing soccer with the kids and making friendship bracelets with the older girls. It was a sweet time to be with the older girls as we got to sing together, tell stories and craft. The girls are all very sweet and have such love for one another. I had the brilliant idea of getting cornrows/braids for my time in Kenya. It took a total of 3 and 1/2 hours of tedious pulling, yanking, braiding with 2-10 people working on my massive amount of hair. It was a fun project for the girls but my scalp definitely took the beating. The final project is very.... Interesting. We shall see how long it lasts. Overall I'm so happy and blessed to be here. Seeing the kids made me realize how beautiful and simple life is. The kids are totally content to just sit in the grass, play with one another hours on end and just be. I'm so excited to see my relationships with the kids deepen and grow within the next month. The kids here are fighters , survivors and lovers with their own individual stories that I have the privilege of hearing. 

"Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted amount the nations. I will be exalted among the earth"-Psalm 46:10

Kenya Day One: traveling mercies

We made it to Nyharururu today after a 22 hour travel day yesterday. We landed in Nairobi and to my great dismay, both of my bags were lost in the flight from Amaterdam to Nairobi. I was so anxious and worried because the donation bag and all of my clothes for the next month are currently in the void of the international airports. Please pray they make it to Nyharururu which is 3 hours from Nairobi. It was no coincidence that I was doing my devotions on the plane reading about spiritual warfare. Then when my bags were lost, I realized that the spiritual warfare is already starting. I kept reminding myself that God is in control and will always provide for me. All the time God is good and right now I'm just focusing on the positives from His blessings. I thank God that me and Sami are the same size, I thank Him that we are all safe, and that I get to see all the kids tomorrow! We had dinner tonight at Thomson falls lodge with our group of 6 people including the owner and founder of HEAL and meet up with the director of the Children's home. It was so great to see her and talk about the changes that have taken place over the past two years. It is truly amazing to see how God's hand has been over the Rapha home. I just can't wait to go see the kids who have been asking about us every day, wondering when we would be coming to visit them. The anticipation of tomorrow, when we will finally see the kids, has been building for the past 6 months!! I just want to hug and kiss all their cute little faces already!! In short please please pray my bags make cit, and for my personal  perseverance.